The end of the world, Que Sera Sera. What will be will be.

The end of the world, que sera sera

At that time, we were in Shinjuku.

Both of us were drunk, but we were conscious and on our feet.

We had nowhere else to go, but we took a taxi to Shin-Okubo.

In the cab, we had nothing to say to each other.

We had nothing to talk about in the taxi because the radio was playing “Que Sera Sera”.

“What will be will be”.

The song played over and over, symbolizing the end of us.

“What will be will be”.

Yes, no matter what the situation, eventually things will happen.

I don’t know if it was a consolation song or a song about giving up on life.

More than 20 years have passed since then.

I can’t say that time has flown by in the blink of an eye.

However, the feelings I had back then are still there.

I even feel as if I could go back to that time anytime.

There is no way that I can go back, but the memories that are burned into my mind will never disappear.

There was nothing to blame for the mistakes I had made.
So, yes, I can say that it never happened, but no one will ever know.

Even though it is still in both of our memories.

The song “Que Sera Sera” that was playing in the cab gave us a special courage.

It gave us a special kind of courage.

At least for me.

I wish I could have gone to hell.

I was not allowed to go back to my normal life.

The usual routine came again.

But to that everyday life, memories of that time were added.

But the memory of that time was added to the routine, and it could not disappear forever.

I don’t think it was a coincidence that “Que Sera Sera” came on in the cab.

I think it was a gift from hell for the two of us.

As she were shattering the glass, she said, “You’re pretty brave!”

I had no answer to her words.

I didn’t have the courage.

Courage was not the right word for me at that time.

Yes, our feelings were different.

She was probably even more caught up in the memories of the past.

She probably just wanted to recreate it by borrowing my body.

I guess my existence was nothing more than that to her.

Unfortunately, the two of us did not feel the same way.

I’m sorry, but there was a gap between us.

I could feel the gap between them.

Maybe this gap would get bigger, and I would

Maybe this gap would grow bigger and I would want to leave without repairing it myself.

I began to think that maybe this gap would get bigger and I would want to leave without fixing it myself.

And then, of course, the day came.

It was as expected.

It was as I had expected.

I was sad, but it was just as I had expected.

and I even felt that my wish had been fulfilled.

The game of fun was over.

Maybe it was a good game.

because I couldn’t deal with her games any longer.

The game was over. It just happened the way it did.

The end of the world, que sera sera

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竹 慎一郎